I probably should’ve known something was unique about me as a child from when I started stimming by endlessly swiping my thumb against my first three fingers simply because it felt good. Still, like many Autistic children, I was socially conditioned from a young age to hide, as best as I could, anything that didn’t help me fit in with other children. Masking early and often meant trying to make eye contact, staying still when appropriate, and trying to hide that I was a little bit of a weirdo.

By middle school, without a significant friend group, I found myself playing a lot by myself and hoping to find anyone who would be weird with me. And so, I turned to the theatre. Our town had a civic theatre at the Indianapolis Museum of Art where, for several summers, I could express my otherwise awkward self in the form of character and song. This took me into high school where I, once again, had trouble making friends, only to join (and become president of, I might add) the Science Club in my freshman year. We were the coolest!

Still struggling a bit, by junior year, I happened upon another small cadre of weirdos that helped me accept myself while also accompanied by drugs and alcohol. Not until I was 23 did I realize the depths of my own true self-loathing coming to a place of emptiness where I slowly would begin to detoxify my life and begin searching for something more than my own pain. I guess this was my first introduction to somatic therapy (although I wouldn’t have called it that at the time).

I set out asking core questions about time, death, and happiness.

Then, it was around year 25 that I would surprisingly stumble into a relationship with Jesus. Having really disavowed my relationship with religion as a mere anthropology, it was the Lord Jesus who really showed Himself as the “Light from Light” that I had never really known.

Returning to the Episcopal Church in which I was raised, I sought to truly know Jesus Christ. I quickly found myself alone in this endeavor of theological discipleship and sought more. I moved into a non-denominational Christian community (they talked all about Jesus!) and asked even more probing questions on the nature of the Church and the Communion of Saints. Where do you think that lead….

Directed to read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, I read it halfway through my two-year graduate school program studying philanthropy, and knew, “I’m Catholic!” The coherence of the CCC resonated deeply. 

Also around that time, I met my wife, Jessica, and after a very special 25 January 2006, we discerned married life was our vocation. I began a career in nonprofit management, fundraising, and (you guessed it, encountering employment issues) a few other things (I even worked in the oil field for a couple of years) though have dedicated most of my time to working with smaller nonprofits (under $1M).

Throughout this career I’ve really benefited from working in service to several disabled communities. So, for me, really since the 90s, the idea of disability, and later neurodiversity, has not been unfamiliar territory.

Though it was not until 2021-2022, when my wife was working on accessibility in design, that I really got deeper into reading and exploring my own journey (and a dedicated time of doing therapy).

Through this process, I began to uncover much more about myself than what I had previously known (or antiquated concepts of disability could render). I really think it was somatic therapy that began to open my eyes the most to how I lived (or didn’t live) in my body. 

During the summer of 2022, I came to a place where I realized it might be good to consider a full psychological assessment and found a wonderfully neuro-affirming place in Fort Collins, CO. I’d try that. 

Anticipating an Autism diagnosis, I entered the process with willing acceptance (so the diagnosis was received as a relief). And so, after receiving a diagnosis on 8 August 2023, I began to see throughout my entire life, this “Autistic Allen” (my first name) has always been with me.

Since then, therapy, unmasking, and learning to live more in my body, has become a natural way of living. I hope that all the Autistic Catholics who engage with us here learn to live in their bodies, accept and authentically express their autistic selves, and give Glory to God through this wonderful gift in the Body of Christ!